One of my very best friends messaged me earlier to tell me she’s 3 months pregnant. I knew she would be ttc soon, so I’m not hugely surprised, but I actually cried when she told me. That’s a new one on me. Actual tears! Not sure I like it as a development.
So I cried some more then met up with some other friends who made me feel a bit better. I came home, logged on to fb and saw that an old school friend had just had a baby. She hadn’t even announced she was pregnant so it was a shock and made me cry again. We aren’t even close, I just think it was the baby bombshell this morning followed by that in the afternoon that was too much for my poor infertile brain to take.
So, there was I, feeling miserable and down but I dragged myself to a presentation thing for H’s gymnastics. It was sitting there that I realised I felt really sick. Again. I had started feeling really sick on Wednesday and assumed it was one of those things. Felt much better in the afternoon and went out for a meal in the evening. This meal was really spicy and I’m a wimp so I couldn’t eat it and then I felt quite ill on Thursday too. I put this down to the meal on Wed night. Friday I was still feeling a bit iffy, but put it down to a rollover from Wednesday still. Now today is Saturday and I have been feeling a bit ill today too. I’m alternating between being really hungry or feeling quite sick. Tonight though I suddenly thought “What if I’m actually pregnant?” The chances are basically zero and I don’t even really feel like I did when pg with H but something in my head is almost convinced. I don’t actually have any tests here (because I haven’t needed one to check for a non existent pregnancy in forever) but I have given in and ordered the cheapest ones I can find off Amazon… I’m not paying for expensive ones when I can guess the result. I feel stupid for even thinking it, but I know I won’t rest until I do a test. I’m a bit angry with myself for letting myself even think it, but I do know what I am like and I know I won’t be happy until I see a snowy white bfn staring at me, at which point I will wonder why I bothered. Such is life.
Maybe I’m actually getting a period? I do feel quite crampy. I had some really painful twinges earlier this week where I told C I might even get them checked out in case they’re massive cysts to do with PCOS. Not that I’m a drama queen or anything *whistles*. But, I have been feeling funny for a few days and I can’t tell if my period is late cos I haven’t had one for 3 months. I’m sure I am really having some kind of reaction to all the baby news I have had lately and my body is subconciously like “Hey! Maybe even you’re pregnant!” Here is a list of symptoms I have had and am reading far too much into:
*Tiredness – always tired though,So not a big one.
*Swinging between nausea and hunger – weird for me to feel sick to this extent but could be a bug
*Emotional – extra tearful and snappy. Could be pmt?
*pains and cramps – see above
*Hot flashes – this one is a bit of a weird one. I don’t have an explanation for it.
*dizziness – could be bug related? Maybe ties in with nausea.
I will be sure to report back when at arrives/I have had a massive bfn. It’s going to be a big bump down to earth I think!