The things I can change

Spring is here at last. Although it is raining and dull outside  (good old British bank holiday weather), it’s my favourite time of year. But, it makes me think of babies. Maybe it’s all the baby animals being born? Maybe it’s because I think about them most of the time, spring or not?! Well, I work loosely with animals and see a lot of notes at work about babies being born so it is even more on my mind at the moment. We are still on track to start IVF at the end of the year/beginning of 2019. Which is good!!! As usual, I am not good at waiting. Damn my impatient nature. I can feel the obsession beginning to creep in again and I’m trying hard to keep it at bay. I do NOT want to go back there.

I am drawing on something I read about recently to help me. It basically centres on focussing your efforts and energies on what you can control and trying to forget the rest. It’s called the circle of concern and circle of control. I read about it in training related to a course at work, I wish I could remember the guy’s name who wrote about it! Anyway. In a nutshell, for this situation, you ask yourself “what’s the problem here?” Obviously it’s the lack of babies and financial implications of IVF. So, then you break it down. Can I do anything about this? Can I change the cost? Not really. I could find a cheaper clinic but I think the multi cycle package we are looking at is good value, plus the clinic is our closest alongside being one of, if not the, most successful in the area. So no, I can’t change that. So it gets parked in the circle of concern. It’s bothersome, but there is nothing I can do about it so we need to take the focus off of it.

Lack of babies….I can’t do much about the fact we can’t have them, but I can save for IVF and I can take good care of myself in the run up. So, I can move at least some elements of that into my circle of control, which is something I can affect. It is helping me feel a bit more in control of a situation that is out of my control on the whole. It makes me feel more at peace with it. I’m so glad we are finally making moves towards the goal! It’s been almost 3 years to the day since we started TTC and we haven’t made any real progress towards actually having a baby or getting treatment. I am so excited to finally be getting somewhere even if we are still a long way off.

Oh, as an EXCITING aside, we recently went to Disneyland AND got engaged just afterward. It’s been so nice to have something different to focus on!! I can spend my time Pinteresting wedding ideas instead of researching ivf success rates 😁 something else to think about is helping too. I’m dreaming that one day we can get married with H and our future child in attendance. Nothing wrong with having dreams!

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