Well….maybe not love it. Maybe just to let it go a little bit!!
So. I have a confession. I never thought I would see the day but I have become a bit of a control freak in my old age. Actually, that may be taking it a little far but I am definitely veering that way! Im not sure how it happened as I used to be the most laid back person ever. But, I have always wanted to know the ins and outs of everything. I always have loads of questions whenever I learn something new I know I drive people a little crazy because I don’t just want to know the answer, I want to know why that’s the answer. I prefer to call it inquisitive, but whatever.
Anyway, the point is, I love knowing the answer and why it’s the answer and the same applies to thinking about IVF. C always say that basically we have a 50/50 chance. It either works….or it doesn’t. I can’t help but look more in depth, at different clinics and results for different age groups. I want to know results for people with our similar set of circumstances. I want to know what can help it to work, as well as what may contribute to it failing. I can’t just let it lie, which is why, over a year after finding out we need IVF and still not even slightly close to doing it, I drive myself insane looking at all of this information.
But….knowing all the answers (ok, sort of having a vague idea more like), won’t make a difference to the outcome. It will work, or it won’t. Luckily for us, our most local clinic is also one of, if not the, best in the area. Which is handy! I’m looking at that as a positive 🙂 got to take them where they come really in this joy that is trying to conceive when the odds are stacked. But really, I am learning to let things go. Which is tough, but nothing is under control, no matter how much research I put into it. Curve balls come out of the left field and there is nothing anyone can do about it.
A woman I used to work with recently had a family tragedy on a perfectly normal day out and it really makes you think about things from a different perspective. This is a lady who, as much as I hate to admit it, I used to be very jealous of. She had everything, you know, nice house, loads of money, loads of holidays, perfect little family unit. But that didn’t stop an awful thing happening (rationally, I know, why would it?). So I have to remind myself that yes, having a baby seems like such a huge piece of my life I am missing, but it’s not like life is a tick list and once you’ve ticked all the things off, baby, husband, house, new car…that isn’t when life suddenly becomes perfect. It’s not like you get the full house and nothing is ever crap again.
I am turning more Zen and this shall be my new motto