I have had a couple of days of pondering really. Not like anything else much is going on…aside from a very small (but getting bigger) puppy who has stolen my heart, causing chaos. Other than that, business as usual with small and wild H, full time work and general life going on.
Anyway! Recently a girl I went to school with had a baby. I did find it a little upsetting to begin with when she said she was pregnant – I really wish that seeing randomers on social media that I don’t really even speak to anymore announcing pregnancies didn’t bother me, but it does. Anyways. The point is I felt the usual gut punch when she announced it, but actually, she has been ttc for years and years with a couple of mc’s on the way. And she conceived her first with the same partner without even trying, so it really goes to show that even people who have no trouble first time round aren’t always so lucky second time. I guess this also made me think that it isn’t always hopeless. As far as I am aware they conceived naturally but it still took around 4 years I think. So we may take years but it doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen for us either.
Which brings me to my second pondering…the Big M. Remixing Sam Smith ‘I DO have money on my mind, money on my mind, cos IVF is damned expensive….’it puts me off majorly. So much money and no guarantees and neither of us are raking it in at work (sadly…). But then almost everyone I know spends thousands on family holidays. And although theoretically they are far more likely to value for money based on money spent vs experiences gained from the holiday, there’s no guarantees. It may rain the whole time. They may catch a bug. They might end up getting the flu while they’re there and being miserable. A girl I work with is paying off her 3.5k credit card bill to go on holiday. Would I put that on a credit card? Not a chance. But it’s still just money. It’s our only option and it’s time I stopped bricking it every time I think about the money and getting on with being positive.
I suppose the thing about this blog is I end up repeating myself a lot 😂. Sorry about that! It’s just the same themes are basically constant in my mind so there isn’t much else to talk about. I will try and stretch it a bit though so let’s think.
Clomid – I took in January and February and got a ‘freebie’ period from what I can only assume is the drugs being in my system still at the end of March. Nothing since, but I do have 2 months in the cupboard so I will start those again, possibly even today (why not hey?) My body doesn’t ovulate alone so it’s obviously given up again. I would love to know why it’s given up but I’m working on losing weight to get to a point where I had natural periods. I’m only 10 stone so 7lbs under my healthy bmi weight but naturally I was extremely slim so I’m still a couple of stone heavier than I used to be. Losing weight is hard though, but I’m 3lbs down this week so that’s a good start at least! Weekends are tough though so the least said about that the better 🐷🐷
I’m sure I already updated this but C’s genetic results were fine when they eventually came back. I’m trying to convince him to lose a bit of weight too as that can help with sperm count but he isn’t keen. He’s not massive either but if we both dropped a stone we would be better for it I think. He doesn’t drink or smoke though, so I feel bad depriving him of his food! The upshot is of course that we can at least try naturally so once I crack open the clomid we will give it another go. You never know!
Lastly, IVF wise I’m still unsure between trying mild as I have pcos and more likely to overstimulate or just bite the bullet and go for full on..odds favourable on the full ivf but financially, although I’m convinced on the idea of having to cough up for ivf I can’t help but fancy the cheaper* version. We’ve decided to just save up 5 grand and decide from there. If we decide to full on my mum will lend us the extra so we won’t have to wait any longer and if we go for mild we should just about have it covered with that so I’m comfortable with that plan. We’re also saving for Disney next year, paying off debts and I want to go part time in around a year, so not asking for much really to save 5k 🤑
I think that’s about all really. I’ve tried to not be so whiny this time as it’s boring to re-read myself so no fun for a reader 😆 if indeed anyone does read this…even if not, it will be nice to have something to look back on with a different tone haha
* cheaper. Still costs a bomb