We were on a break!

Man I love Friends. Even now, nearly 13 (whaaaaaaat?!) Years after it ended I still can’t hear anyone mention anything with the word break in without internally shouting the above a la Ross. But me and ttc are on a break. Well we’re not really, we never will be, but I have stopped obsessing over sperm counts and PCOS and natural miracle pregnancies and so on. I would like to still say IVF is still on for Summer 2018 but honestly, I find it hard to see us ever getting the money together. There is always cars to fix, household appliances to repair/replace. Life to live. I still want to do it and know realistically it is our only chance to have a baby together. But I just can’t get excited about it. I dont want ivf. Nobody does, I know. I just balk completely at the idea of all that money and it failing. If it works though…totally worth it I know. I still quite fancy mild ivf, but who knows. I am looking at studying again soon, I have been saying for years I am going to do AAT and always put it off. So I guess in lieu of new babies and IVF for now I am throwing myself into studying and enjoying the baby I already have, because quite honestly she is awesome. Genuinely the most amazing little girl in the world. And no, I’m not at all biased!!
I’m sick of feeling like my life is on hold and everyone else has something I don’t (the ability to fall pregnant at the mere thought of unprotected sex, mainly) when actually, there is so much more to life. That isnt to say infertility doesn’t still suck the hairiest of hairy balls or that when I see a pregancy announcement I will stop feeling like I have been punched in the stomach. It just means that I have to put it aside and enjoy life. I hate to throw it out there in this fairly inappropriate blog but the terrorist attacks in London just made me realise that actually life really is short. I don’t want sokething awful to happen to me and not have spent as much time as I can having a fun life. I am done being miserable. Tryinf to conceive, I’m just not happy anymore. It’s not me, it’s you (you contrary little bugger, us it really asking much to become inpregnated?!). That’s it. We. Are. On. A. Break.

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