Time for a tiny chance

So it has been ages since I wrote anything. Mainly because nothing is going on! We are still saving, although most of our funds have been wiped out because we have made a very exciting decision to buy a house. Eeeek!!!! It is a shared ownership house in the town where I grew up. It hasn’t been finalised yet, we are awaiting a decision. The mortgage has been approved but on shared ownership properties a certain percentage is owned by the Housing Association and it is their decision we are waiting on. I have everything crossed it all goes ahead, we passed the checks for the mortgage and the total we will be paying is very very slightly less than what we currently pay on our rent anyway so it should all go fine, just tensely waiting right now!

I am actually really looking forward to moving. I know I am probably being stupid but I feel like the house we are in now has been bad luck for us (I know, I know. Feel free to roll your eyes!). We lost our cat in this house down to a tragic accident and we had only been here a month when we decided to ttc, and we know how well that has gone so far! The house we want to buy is a new build so an entirely fresh start in our own place. Me and C had some wobbles over whether to go for a 2 or a 3 bed house. I felt like a 3 bed was setting us up to always have an empty bedroom if we never end up pregnant. Almost like we are tempting fate in a way? Not sure if that is quite the right term for it, but hopefully you understand what I mean. But then, as C pointed out, if the best does happen we don’t want to be a bedroom down. H is almost 8 already and considering a baby isn’t anywhere in the foreseeable future she could well be 10+ by the time a baby is born and that is old to have to start sharing a room. Even more so if we had a boy, you wouldn’t want a 3 or 4 year old brother around while you are going through the teenage years. So he does make sense and we have gone for a 3 bed but I still feel like that’s almost too hopeful?! I can’t find the words to explain really. 

Also, another really random thing is I keep having this really vivid recurring dream about having another baby. It’s so vivid I can smell the summer air when I am outside with him (it is always a boy). No doubt it is just cos I want it so badly, but it is odd. Maybe I am seeing the future (yeah…please feel free to roll your eyes again here!) 

Finally, and most excitingly I think, I have finally gotten myself a private prescription for clomid. This is my second cycle of it. First month I just took it and waited to see if I ever got an af. Which I did, after 2 weeks of cramps and really sore boobs. This month I decided to use opk’s to try and time dtd as best as we could. I got a positive but I am a little confused as my boobs don’t hurt at all this month and I have had no crampy feelings. If my calculations are right, I am about 6dpo today. I def had sore boobs by this point last month, they were unbearable. I got a positive opk though and the instructions said clomid can affect the high fertility reading but peak fertility (ie lh surge indicating ovulation) would be unaffected. But maybe it picked up a peak to do with pcos? I don’t know. 

I am excited to finally be able to try though. I have also read a lot to do with massive fluctuations in sperm counts. Whereas our consultant said low counts like C’s dont really fluctuate I have seen lots of evidence to suggest otherwise, both anecdotally in forums and in journal articles and even the WHO lab manual for SA. So…positivity ahoy until we finally get this ivf fund down!