So I have been quiet recently. Nothing much has changed. We still have no genetic resultd and we are still saving up painfully slowly for treatment, so there really isn’t much to say!
I have been trying to let things go a bit though. It has been 4.5 months since we found out we needed IVF and it has been awful. But, I feel like things are starting to be less crappy now. For so long I have been so angry and upset about how unfair it all is. Last night I was dreaming about it all too, ivf conversations and people who can just have babies at the drop of a hat. My ex friend (not because of any of this I have to add though!) just announced she is pregnant with her 7th kid. And her and her partner have cheated on each other and split up twice this year. You can’t help but think on that one, but their life is not my business. That also leads me on to my main point about letting shit go. Life is not fair. Never has been, never will be. It isn’t fair for anyone. So yeah, it really sucks that we can’t have babies the good old fashioned (& free!) way but no matter how much I dwell on it or rage about it, it is what it is. I’ve been working really hard to stop feeling so crappy about the hand we have been dealt. I also struggle with anxiety and depression, which I think hasn’t helped. But from now on, I am going to be trying so hard to be less negative across everything. I don’t know that I will be posting much for a while, maybe the genetics results but really, we have nothing going on until we save up now and that’s looking to be about 9/10 months away. We will see…i’m going to leave my new mantra here though. This is how I am going to try to live now, making the positive choice 🙂